the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
first day of hall camp ended at 2 plus in the morning. they say it's much earlier than other orientation camps, but i wouldn't know. anyhow, i don't have much to comment, except that people in my OG are rather easy to talk to. i wonder if it's just the necessity of being civil during this camp that they're being this way.
the fallen saint left at 3:18 am
kenneth and i did some cleaning up for the room this morning. as i had a lot of stuff to move in, i took the car and drove to the hall's tiny carpark, where i unloaded the stuff i brought. because it was so much, and he hadn't reached yet, i made about four trips to and fro. it didn't help things that we had to climb miles of stairs, since our block was on top of a hill and our room was the fourth floor. i was perspiring before i'd even started the cleaning.
the fallen saint left at 3:45 pm
i told myself i won't miss you
the fallen saint left at 4:33 pm
i am blogging from my hostel room now. the moment i pushed the door open, i wanted to go home.
the fallen saint left at 3:14 pm
lin siqi is getting on my nerves right now. i logged on to msn from starbucks and as she was sitting beside me, she said 'surprises surprises, i'm not online!'
the fallen saint left at 8:16 pm
without work or school, my bed is being utilised to full value.
the fallen saint left at 3:44 pm
06072007 before we left for thailand, i was persuaded to try out the massages, known to be cheap and good. i had my scepticisms initially, and i was worried it might turn out to be some sleazy services, if you know what i mean. however, having been assured by xiaoqi (girl, right) as to the respectability of this venue we were going to, i relented. that marked the end of an eventful second day of our vacation. shower and sleep was a welcome respite. didn't take many photos today. somehow i wasn't very shutter-happy with the T9. anyway, i bought an all blacks jersey because the exchange rate meant that it was actually cheaper than purchasing it in singapore. had chinese dim sum for lunch. by cheap, i mean a plate of fried pork buns, two plates of ha kao, a plate of fried spring rolls, a bowl of char siew noodle soup and a bowl of rice with black pepper fish for 154 baht, or S$3.50 per person. tell me where to find that in singapore, and your next meal will be on me. stocked up on more snacks, namely donuts, pastries and chips. heineken too, which was also much cheaper over there. we had dinner at this place called shaley's. pictured above is a teddy bear-shaped rice with chicken and vegetables that xiaoqi ordered. in a moment of sheer puerility, i said 'ouch' when she put her spoon into the rice. i should have mentioned earlier, K and i pretty much split up from the girls in terms of our itinerary since the chatuchak market visit, which was on our second day. today, we plotted our journey through siam discovery centre, siam centre to siam paragon and onwards to centralworld thereafter. of notable mention was siam paragon, which is light years ahead of its namesake in singapore. think two vivocity's linked together, loaded with branded boutiques from emporio armani to bang & olufsen to sports cars showrooms. we had a fun time window shopping at paragon, though. despite the countless boutiques that neither of us could afford unless we paid with my sup card, because we were both wearing polo tees with standing collars and berms and flipflops, we sort of gave out the vibe to the salespeople that we were rich kids, so they accorded us as much attention as local salespeople would toward japanese tourists. it's good to be treated well now and then, you know. the greatest misfortune occurred today as well, when i came down with fever. it was paracetamols to the rescue, and by no coincidence, we had dinner at NOODDI again, but this time bringing a few other people in the group with us. along the way i managed to get up and buy a pair of leather shoes after having placed my orders for dinner. there was this thing later about manicures and pedicures, which ended up in naught for us guys. it was back to the bunker for K and me, hoping to recover from the fever with some sleep. we were in the cabs by 5am local time on our way to the airport to catch our flight home. the cab driver did upwards of 140 kph while we were on the highways, so say K and candice. i was too damn sick to care, and at the point of time it didn't matter if i had the trunk of a car smash my head because it hurt so much already anyway. the flight back was smoother than the one toward bangkok. i suppose the pilot was better, because K slept through take-off, haha. it felt good to be back in singapore and inhaling much cleaner air. of course, we raided as much of duty-free alcohol as we could (i was burning up with the fever but wtf) and scooted home after a quick meal at mcdonald's. we were home by about 2pm and i slept through more or less till the next morning.
the fallen saint left at 10:39 pm having had the luxury to think things through for the past week, i've decided that certain things in my life have to change - allowing them to remain as they are simply will not do. this time i took to run into emotional seclusion has served me well; getting over the initial influx of clouded thoughts, then attempting to rationalize and deliberate over certain issues, i hope i've made the right decisions.
the fallen saint left at 9:25 pm
i'm feeling very, very disturbed.
the fallen saint left at 11:31 pm
just to update and assure whichever kind and concerned souls there may be that i'm still alive and kicking, and back in singapore in one piece, not one bodybag. however, as i've been under the weather since the last couple of days of the trip, and have yet to fully recover, photos and editorials will be postponed until further notice.
the fallen saint left at 4:14 pm
departing for bangkok this evening.
the fallen saint left at 1:56 pm
this lady sat facing me on the bus today when i was heading to town. she had beautiful inset eyes, blond hair, defined brows, smooth skin and thin, pursed lips. a week's wages says she had no makeup on her, save for some mascara and eyeliner. her hair was pulled back and tied, there were no scars or traces of adolescent remnants in the form of pimples or acne on her flawless face. if ever a pictorial description was needed, then think avril lavigne, but with more class, elegance, poise and grace. that was the girl sitting in front of me on the bus today.
the fallen saint left at 10:59 pm
this day marks a different significance for different people.
the fallen saint left at 8:36 pm
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
beat.
i suppose as the days go by and spirits get worn that more accurate reflections will reveal themselves.
there's just one thing that quite gets to me. a lot of strangers look familiar, like at some earlier point of my life i've known them, or they remind me of other people who used to be close to my heart. there's this girl in particular who resembles raine in terms of demeanour and voice; it sort of made me miss the good things that we shared.
that's all for tonight, i'm not going to think about it because there's probably nothing to it anyway.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
the room
anyway, i'm not posting any photos still, because the room still isn't as nice as the photos depict them to be. of all times for photos to be generous and flattering, why can't it be on me instead of the ugly damn room?
anyhow, after much vacuuming and wiping, it's safe to say that the status of the room has been advanced from a shit hole to a pig sty. let's hope things improve over the next few weeks.
over lunch with my parents, i told them i wanted a bolster for my bed in hall. she looked at me and laughed.. -.- and after being satisfactorily amused, she asked if i would like to bring the bolsters to hall by public transport, to which my eyes WIDENED and i replied, "crazy ah". yeah, i was shocked until all manner of civility and the english grammar had deserted me.
hall orientation camp starting on monday, which is effectively tomorrow, and ending on saturday. it's going to be a damn long week, i swear.
Friday, July 27, 2007
better than me, by hinder
but i remember
what it feels like beside you
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
Thursday, July 26, 2007
i need a miracle
the room brings to mind a run-down hdb single-room apartment housing a solitary 90-year old widow. photos will be uploaded when i get home. words and even the photos that i took cannot hint at the full magnitude to the atrocity of this place.
depression is the understatement of the two milleniums.
-update-
i'm back home and decided not to upload the photos, as based on my own review, the photos flatter the conditions of the room, hence they are pointless in my complaint.
and i feel like i've just been swindled of $45 for the hall orientation camp. it's six days' long, from monday to saturday. i wonder what on earth they can possibly come up with to keep us interested for so long. no offence to the organizing committee, but i can't help but feel a little sceptical and apprehensive of the upcoming camp.
anyway, blew my wallet on items at ikea after collecting the keys for our room. $115 worth of stuff. they better fit and look nice in our room, or kenneth and i are going to kill ourselves.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
sigh
-.-
anyway, as a prelude to the above, we had dinner at canele, at paragon. the girl had been eyeing it for some time, it seemed, and since the last time we met up was 3 years ago, we decided to give this place a shot and see what it was like.
this place being known for its desserts, i didn't bother with the photos of our main courses. i ordered penne amatriciana and she ordered crepe with chicken. here comes the interesting bit, then..
siqi's vacherin glace. looks nice, doesn't it? its ingredients are as follows:
hazelnut meringue filled with strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice creams, served with vanilla crème chantilly, raspberry coulis.
and then the girl had to do this.
and as if that wasn't enough, a little devil was formed..
i, on the other hand, ordered a "66%". that's the name of it, and it contains everything chocolate - chocolate ice cream with chocolate crumble and dark chocolate shards. i'll have you know though, that because i'm not a regular dessert person, the richness of the chocolate had me in a spot towards the end.
so there you go. dinner and the company was nice. i love the girl. (:
Monday, July 23, 2007
these days
i only wish those crackheads upstairs weren't drilling. damn the new neighbours.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
that holiday
i realised on my way to the airport that my trip was from july 6 until july 10, not july 9. of course i panicked. we went to bangkok via tiger airways, and i know i have no right to complain, what with the price we paid for the tickets and all, but everything from the budget terminal to the flight attendants screamed 'BUDGET!!!'. the less said, the better.
evidently not best pleased about having our photos taken.. this is muangphol mansion, the guesthouse we stayed in. of course there were beds, but this was how cramped the bathroom was; if you nodded off while on the toilet seat, you'd probably lose your front teeth off the basin. once again, BUDGET.
dinner at this restaurant on the first night, its name i forgot. it was deja vu for me though, because my parents and i came here to eat once, when we were in bangkok in 1998. food had to be good, since it lasted 9 years in the same place.
on the skytrain, heading toward mo chit station, more specifically chatuchak market. characteristically, it was loaded with counterfeit goods, but K and i lasted only an hour there before we threw in the towel and decided we didn't deserve to endure the heat. having said that, we bailed and went back to the guesthouse before exploring mbk ourselves. and you complain you can't find a parking lot in singapore?
lunch at NOODDI, somewhat an equivalent to NOOCH in singapore. they have bose speakers, a clear indication of their (projected) profit margins. the drinks in the picture are lychee freezes - absolutely orgasmic.
we had ice cream at baskin' robbins, one of those franchises that never made it to our shores. the quality of the ice cream was good, though. what made it feel better was knowing we were pampered in an air-conditioned mall having nice food whilst the rest of the gang were sweating like pigs trying to find the best bargains in a wholesale market. (:
stocking up for hungry times at night. each of these cost S$0.50. like i wrote on friendster, take that krispy kremes!
K and i both had this for dinner. this is a double big mac from mcdonald's. double, because there are FOUR beef patties instead of the traditional two. i am not pulling your leg.
before the massage, and me not knowing quite what to expect.
after the massage, and take my word for it, this picture is not indicative of what transpired in the two hours that preceded this. nothing sleazy occurred (sorry to disappoint you dirty minds), but it was an eye-opener, literally - we discovered new funny bones in our bodies. it was 50% wincing, 40% laughing and 10% being on the verge of losing our consciousness towards the end.
08072007
09072007
this was on the third or fourth floor, i forget which, but when i was coming up the escalator and saw these two showrooms at the top of it, my jaw literally dropped.
this murcielago was labelled as sold. in bangkok!?
as K forgot the models' names, it's the F430 and 575 Maranello. and these two were separated from the murcielago by the wall you see on the left of the photo. *drools lunch at pizza company. we kept seeing advertisements on the in-built skytrain tv monitors by this restaurant, so K and i thought we had to try this out. this was basically hawaiian pizza with fresh shrimp, with sausage and cheese stuffed into the crust. this was a serving meant for four, which was lapped up by just K and i. you may keep your comments to yourself at this juncture, thank you.
10072007 this was the last shot from my own camera. sunrise outside of bangkok airport. my apologies, a decent camera in the hands of a less-than-amateur photographer with fever does this spectacle no justice.
waiting to get through passport control. evidently, i was having none of it.
phased
i hereby apologise to anybody i've randomly and inexplicably reacted toward during this period. i'm not making excuses, but these things are cyclical.
thank you, to those who've come forward to ask if i was ok, people like naijiz and sara. friends like you are gems.
Friday, July 13, 2007
hiatus, again
i need to go away for a while.
i just don't want to be me, here, right now.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
bangkok update postponed
so, if you can still be arsed to check back, you'll probably get something over the weekend.
wishing myself get well soon.
Friday, July 06, 2007
vacation!
it started out as a plan for a european trip, then downgraded to australian/new zealand holiday, which saw a further reduction to a regional vaction to bangkok, when even hongkong was too expensive for the friends. note that i am seriously dissatisfied with this and only a very fruitful trip will make up for it. i don't mind going on another holiday, though. haha.
anyhow, i'm going to be back in singapore on tuesday around noon, and will probably update this blog again later that day or on wednesday.
if you don't see any updates by thursday, look in the newspapers. well, i hope things don't come to that, haha.
Monday, July 02, 2007
two hotties and a scare
at pool fusion this afternoon, two tables away appeared a chinese girl with one of the nicest figures i came across in a while. she had toned arms, an hourglass figure with no tummy, and wore fitting jeans, only that i wish she had on a pair with a nicer design - a body like that deserves at least so much. we clearly weren't focusing much on whatever that was happening on our table, because it took about twice the time for us to finish each rack; we couldn't care less, apparently, and for obvious reasons.
dinnertime gave me quite a fright, as i realised i'd forgotten about my wallet. it was my extreme fortune that there were kind enough souls who handed my wallet, with its contents untampered, to the staff at starbucks in raffles city, who then returned it to me. in retrospect, i feel embarrassed that i forgot to acknowledge and adequately show my appreciation and gratitude to the samaritan, amidst my relief and elation. it is scant consolation that i should write it here, but this is my token gesture of appreciation. thank you, whoever you are, because you saved a person's day with your honesty and integrity.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
01072007
today was the first time i attended a proper church service. i suppose if it was going to be my first experience, it'd have to be with my best bloke's church. it's premature for me to decide on the issue of religion for myself currently, but today's experience put a few questions in my head.
i do not have such audacity to proclaim myself as sinless, and i have always led my life with the focus being on either the people close to me or myself. i will not deny that often, i will ask what i stand to gain when i do something. sacrifice for someone else is a concept which is fairly alien to me, but it was taught today that, the significance of a sacrifice reflects how important we view something or someone is to us. the number of mistakes i have committed in the past, albeit mostly minor, have undoubtedly aggravated the tolerance of some people, and i have good reason to believe some of them will never be able to look past it, for which i do not blame them. there are some things i did that i'll never be forgiven for, and i've come to accept it.
but whether i deserve to be accepted and forgiven in the final judgement, and whether i belong in this, i am not certain and i'm not prepared to make a decision yet.
moving on, this day to some marks the new quarter and the new half of the year, but to me, today marked my first day out from work, and also the gst increase. yes i am disgruntled, but thankfully still at an age where i have no responsibilities for financing herculean bills. i don't buy properties or cars, so it's safe to say i won't feel the pinch so much just yet. just as well, i think.
talking about money, there was clearly a congregation of rich sods in meritus mandarin this afternoon. a ferrari 360 modena, older model of the murcielago (the one with 2 upward-facing exhaust pipes), 10 porsches and a new model of the gallardo. and just as we were walking toward the youth park, the murcielago monstered its way through the traffic round cineleisure and its engine sound was jaw-dropping. it's the stuff of boys and men's dreams. listening to one of those V12s at full throttle is beyond the best writer's linguistic description. you simply have to be there.
to cap things off, i saw a woman wearing a t-shirt with the message, "i love singapore". a tad bit early for national day, yes, but why wear this today of all days, when the government just raised the good service tax? heh, i'm just bitching. i know you love me if you bothered to read through my rubbish.